cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
