hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
