dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my liver is dry heaving
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
