We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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