so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
