I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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