Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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