i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
