This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
