There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
