Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
