Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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