Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
