I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
