No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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