can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
