Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
