Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
