i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
