I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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