Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
