So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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