I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
