:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
3 2 1 whiskey
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