Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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