I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
