Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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