oh god the rape fog is back!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
