You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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