I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
