do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Two words: blizzard sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
