if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
