the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
a search helicopter?!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
