handjob tips. give me some.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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