Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
