Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's like heaven, but drunker
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
