so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
