I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
