I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
