shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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