There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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