And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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