I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
