Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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