I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
