If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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