So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
