all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
