I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
