I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
