M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
