This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
